× • = bj0rN = • ×

Sorry about my lack of posting recently, blame bj0rN, or some other random fag who’s been steadily increasing my workload. Anyways, here’s to the hidden contingent of gamers we all know that lurk amongst the otaku crowd here, as 2008 and 2009 will hold to some of the most anticipated games of all time.

The Anticipation Board will be sorted according to game genre type. NO FAVORITISM SHOWN TOWARDS ANY GAME FRANCHISES HERE. (I lie)

First up, we have the RTS category.

Booyah, Greetings Comrade, by now you should have heard of the announcement videos of one of the most memorable games ever created. Now under the tyranny of a certain Game Development empire, whom we shall not name here, but of course, have probably heard of, unless you’ve been hikki-ing underneath a rock somewhere off a far coast (God, I miss westwood studios). Anyways, on to the main event, COMRADE, LAY DOWN YOUR MOOLAH AND FACE THE POWER OF MUTHA RUSHA! Red Alert 3! Main link here : http://www.ea.com/redalert/main.jsp .

Back, after 7 years of long waiting, the ultimate rts is back, with all new units and an epic timing for a new faction for all of us. So, story goes like this, apparently them Russians knew they were going to be screwed, following the allied timeline of Red Alert 2, and they set themselves upon readying a time travel mission, to assassinate Einstein, before he develops the Chronosphere device for the Allies (The Chronosphere is a huge testicle-like device that warps units under its area of effect, and transports them from one area to another, much like how bj0rn warps himself to the tissue paper after releasing tons of disposable ‘energy’.) Anyways, the russians manage to do so, but when they get back to the present, its all GG for them, as a new faction has arised through the chaos called “The Empire of the Rising Sun”. Yeah, and no, for those of you that anticipated it, the armoured p3d0bears are in the russian faction, and mindless otaku WILL NOT be a SUICIDE UNIT. (Unless Neet is bought at your tech lab) Ok, I kid, but adding a fictional oriental-adapted army, hasn’t really been seen before, and I’ve got to be honest, I’m very impressed, and look forward to the faction.

Another feature which developers have promised for RA3, is the use of Naval war fleets and naval base building and resource collection, which we haven’t seen before either in most other gun-to-gun RTS games, pertaining to the Command and Conquer series. But i hope they don’t over do this feature and end up screwing everything to the point we might be fighting with sonar equipped penguins doing the Caramell Dansen (This again, has to be upgraded via the tech lab). However, we have heard from some sources, like the announcement video, that certain naval units will be able to adapt to ground based assaults, the answer? Transforming Battleships, which totally kick ass. I’d like to see tons of these bad boys doing the morphing in the middle of a battle.

In essence, RA3 spells out EPIC PWNAGE for some and nothing much for others, for that group, no one cares, since they’ve all been wiped out in some good ol’ nuke spammage, the beta release keys for RA3 can be obtained through the preorder of Kane’s Wrath, Red Alert 3 release is TBA.

I’ll continue the rest of the list after I get back from a shit hole called school. For now, FOR MUTHA RUSHA!

For now, enjoy the nice lolis with guns.

Right, and now continuing down the list is the grim darkness, that which lingers in the minds and concepts of THQ and Relic, my brothers, the time of ascension is at hand, as they once again plan to sweep us away, with another round of dakka. Pick up your power armor and that trusty bolter, for Dawn of War 2 is on its way.
Main link here : http://www.dawnofwar2.com/us/home.

Ah, the motherload, don’t expect me to give you a synopsis of the campaign, ’cause right now not much has been released yet, and on top of that, my lore and fluff is getting rusty. Of course, everyone’s favorite telling of the 41st millennium, filled with epic levels of gore, carnage and inhumanity, as innumerable armies clash upon hundreds of thousands of worlds, the Imperium of Humanity, its Legion Vast Space Marines, its billions upon billions count of Imperial Guard, the Holy Demon hunters and the Witch Hunters, pitted against the brutal Orks, the vile Eldar and Dark Eldar, the Unholy Chaos Space Marines, the swarm of Tyranids, the Uprise of the Tau Empire, the awakening Necrons, and countless other threats.

I being an Imperial Guard player, will be biased on the next statement : My Race pwns.

DOW 2 Release is TBA as well.

And next up, from one of the most successful RTS games to date, with a huge fan base, I bring to you dear Children, Starcraft 2, which i CAN possibly rant less about. That dude from Broodwar is back, the Terrans are more front liners than soldiers, the Zerg keep doing their job, and the Protos are sitting about. Time to build additional Pylons.

Bah, there’s plenty more RTS games where that came from, like EndWar and such, but the few are just what I’m looking forward to. Now, on to FPS, holy crap, talk about development with the same crosshair and a rifle. The FPS list, I’ll leave for the next post, until then, KEEP FIRING.

Editors note : Note, that I meant Firearms, not Peckers. Ammunition differs between both types of ‘weapons of mass destruction’.